Lately I have been feeling so overwhelmingly happy and blessed. There are no words to describe how amazing it is to get to watch your beautiful baby girl grow every day. With that being said, it’s also bittersweet because time moves so fast. Audrey is growing out of her newborn clothes very, very quickly, and while it’s exciting because it means she is prospering, I’ve gotten teary-eyed multiple times while thinking about how fast she is growing. All I hear from people is that she’s going to be driving/getting married/having kids of her own before I know it, and I know those days are going to come sooner than Brian and I are ready.
I think it is impossible to love anyone or anything more than Brian and I love her. She fills my heart up with joy more and more every single day. Seeing and making her smile are my life’s new purpose, and when she smiles and laughs, the elation I feel is indescribable. I see her daddy in her more and more every day, and watching him with her is one of the most rewarding things ever. We are two of the luckiest people in the world. I could not imagine life without Audrey; she has so completely become the center point of our universe. For someone so little, she has certainly taken up the entirety of both of our hearts.I still think about September 12th so often; it was the hardest day of my life, but the greatest and most rewarding by far.
It has been nice to be back at work, but it’s insane how much I miss her every day. There is a part of me that feels empty when she isn’t around…I carried her for 9+ months and spent every moment with her for the first 2 months of her life; she is such a part of me now.
It was so hard for me to leave her last week to go back to work, and even harder with the gut feeling that she wasn’t getting the best care. It’s heart-wrenching to know that your baby might have been just left to cry in her bouncer instead of being held and comforted. For those of you who don’t know, our family childcare situation didn’t work out, so she is now going to the Child Development Center on base, and there is no amount of money that we wouldn’t spend for the peace of mind of knowing that our little girl is being taken care of.
Anyway…time to end this post so I can go cuddle with our little blessing, who is currently nursing a bit of a cold. Nothing is more painful than seeing her blue eyes looking at you while she’s crying, asking you to make her hunger or pain stop, and nothing is more amazing than watching those blue eyes crinkle when she smiles, so I’m going to try to make her forget her sniffles and give me some Audrey smiles!